


with smoke and mirrors disappearing

by hilourry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Bottom Louis, Drunk Sex, Fingering, M/M, Smoking, bj, idk what this is, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-05
Updated: 2015-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-05 14:15:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3123233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hilourry/pseuds/hilourry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know we’re getting married,” Louis says slowly. “You should probably get comfortable telling me things. Been dating for three years, I figured you trusted me already.”</p>
<p>“I do trust you,” Harry drawls, taking another drag. “That’s not it. I don’t know, I guess it’s just random stuff.”</p>
<p>“Well,” Louis says. “How about you start using matches instead of your lighter? And you write what time you lit up and what you were thinking about. Just a word or so. I know everything about you, except for this kind of stuff. I just want to know what goes on in your head when you’re up at this hour.”</p>
<p>or</p>
<p>Harry smokes and thinks a lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	with smoke and mirrors disappearing

“Haz? Is everything all right? Nearly four in the morning,” Harry hears the door sliding open and Louis stands out on the balcony with him. He’s drowning in one of Harry’s beige jumpers, his hair mused with sleep and his legs bare. The sleeves cover his hands and Harry can see him trembling a bit from the bitter November cold. He looks beautiful like this, the moonlight hitting his face making him look impossibly younger and softer than ever, his blue eyes shining dimly. He’s more than Harry deserves, he already knows that, but he’s glad Louis is willing to settle.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Harry says, slumping against the rusty railing of the balcony, pulling another drag off of his cigarette. He’s been smoking since he started university almost four years ago and never had the heart to stop. It’s just become part of his daily routine.

“Any reason why?” Louis asks, coming towards him and putting a hand on Harry’s lower back, rubbing small circles. He buries his face into Harry’s long sleeve t-shirt and Harry exhales the smoke.

“Just thinking, I guess,” Harry shrugs.

“You say that all the time,” Louis observes. “But you never tell me exactly what of.”

Harry doesn’t really have anything to say to that. Every time he smokes, all he does is think, even though it’s supposed to clear his head. Maybe it helps him think now.

“You know we’re getting married,” Louis says slowly. “You should probably get comfortable telling me things. Been dating for three years, I figured you trusted me already.”

“I do trust you,” Harry drawls, taking another drag. “That’s not it. I don’t know, I guess it’s just random stuff.”

“Well,” Louis says. “How about you start using matches instead of your lighter? And you write what time you lit up and what you were thinking about. Just a word or so. I know everything about you, except for this kind of stuff. I just want to know what goes on in your head when you’re up at this hour.”

“Did I wake you?” Harry asks suddenly, looking down at his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Louis says, kissing his bicep. “s’alright, though. Just wanted to check up on you, make sure you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry says, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “I’ll do the matches thing, if you want.”

“Yeah? Think it might be therapeutic or something, as well,” Louis says. 

“I want to be able to tell you this stuff, just can’t really form it into words,” Harry shrugs. 

“I understand,” Louis hums. “I want to know what keeps you up, what goes on in that head of yours.”

“Let’s go back to bed,” Harry says, taking one last drag before putting it out in their ashtray balanced over the railing. He wraps his arm around Louis’ shoulder and kisses his forehead; he knows how much Louis hates kissing his lips right after he smokes a cigarette. Louis leans into him, his arm around Harry’s waist and they walk back into the sliding doors, closing it behind them and curling up into their warm bed once again. 

Louis cuddles into Harry’s chest, smelling what he’s learned to consider home. It smells of smoke, tar, cologne, Old Spice, a hint of vanilla, and _Harry_. It’s home, it’s comforting, it’s safe. 

Louis wakes up the next morning to a used match lying on Harry’s pillow. He picks it up and sees written in black ink _8:38 AM, you._. He gets out of bed and pads into the kitchen, seeing Harry at the stove making pancakes. 

“Hey,” Louis says softly. 

“Hey,” Harry replies, turning to him to kiss him once.

“I saw the match,” Louis says. “You don’t have to make this about me. I just want honestly. This isn’t about making me happy.”

“I know it isn’t. But you’re the reason I’m doing this, and I’m always thinking about you,” Harry says, turning his attention away from the pancakes.

“Oh. Okay, then,” Louis says.

“Hungry?”

“Starving.”  
~  
“Here,” Harry says softly, handing Louis four matches from his smoke breaks at work. He kisses his cheek and sits next to him on the couch. Louis lays his head on his lap and snuggles close.

“How was work?”

“Fine,” Harry shrugs. “Same old. What about you?”

“Good, good. Bella is so funny, she was laying on the floor today trying to do crunches, claiming she needed to exercise,” Louis smiles. He’s always so bright when he talks about his kindergarten class. He loves his job so much and Harry loves his passion for it. He’s always coming home with these stories of his kids, grinning and happily exhausted. It’s always so endearing to watch Louis with kids. He loves going to pick Louis up after work and seeing him reading a story to the kids or playing a game. His chest hurts thinking about how good he’ll be with their own kids somewhere down the line.

“She’s adorable,” Harry says in agreement, putting his palm over Louis’ belly. Louis shuffles through the matches Harry gave him and looks up at Harry.

“’Career?” he asks softly. “What about it?”

“Hate it,” Harry shrugs. “I don’t want to be sitting behind a desk forever. I wanted to be doing something that mattered. I went through all that law school to just be the rookie that grabs coffee for everyone, y’know? And I’m proud of you, so proud of you for doing what you love. I’m so happy for you, but all at the same times it’s like, I’m almost jealous? I don’t know, it’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Louis says, putting his hand over Harry’s. “I get it, I do, and I’m sorry. But I know you’re going to make it big one day, and you’re going to become one of the best lawyers out there. I don’t want you to give up.”

“No, I won’t,” Harry says. “It’s just, something I think about.”

“Okay, ‘dinner’. What are ya making me, babe?” Louis grins. 

“Spinach stuffed chicken. Told you we’re trying that clean eating thing,” Harry pets Louis’ belly.

“Ugh,” Louis rolls his eyes. “Sounds horrendous.”

“It won’t be that bad,” Harry promises. “I’m gonna make banana oatmeal chocolate chip muffins for dessert.”

“Fine,” Louis pouts. “Can I have some of you for dinner, too?”

“Only if you behave,” Harry winks and kisses his forehead. 

“I always do,” Louis frowns deeply, just like a kid. Maybe that’s why he works with them, because he can relate so easily. “What’s next…’gym’.”

“Haven’t been in a while, feeling like I’m letting go. Haven’t been on my runs or anything. Makes me sluggish,” Harry explains further.

“You still look incredible, if that’s your concern. So you’ve had a few bad days, that’s alright. You’ll bounce right back. Go ahead and gain weight, if you want, I’ll still love you,” Louis says, sitting up just enough to kiss Harry on the mouth. “Don’t do anything for me. Make sure you do things for yourself.”

“It’s hard when you’re the only thing I think about,” Harry says, playing with Louis’ hair.

Louis smiles a little at that. “Well, you know what I mean. Especially because you’re all I think about, and I need you to be happy, no matter what that may entail.” 

“I am happy, baby. I’m very happy.”

“Good,” Louis sighs, looking at the last match. “You.”

“Like I said,” Harry smiles softly. “I’m always thinking of you.”  
~  
It becomes a pattern; a routine. They have a jar in their bedroom, where Harry deposits the matches. Louis doesn’t always look at them, but every so often, he’ll shuffle through them, asking a couple questions. Sometimes, the matches have places written on them, like Rome, or Paris, or Hawaii, which Louis found out are places Harry wants to take Louis on their honeymoon. 

“Sex,” Louis smirks, reading a match Harry just handed him. They just got back from a bar, both a bit drunk. Harry just stepped onto the balcony for a smoke and came back with his match.

“Mhm,” Harry grins wickedly. “Sex with you.”

“Well I’d hope so,” Louis says, putting his arms around Harry’s neck.

“Lots of sex with my Louis,” Harry slurs. 

“You’re a bit drunk, love,” Louis says, kissing the corner of Harry’s mouth. “You gonna be able to get it up?”

“It’s already up,” Harry frowns, then grinds his bulge into Louis’ hip to prove it.

“Mm, indeed it is, then,” Louis murmurs. He loves to tease Harry, especially when he’s drunk and a bit dazed. “What if I don’t want to have sex?”

“Nooo,” Harry whines. “Let’s have sex.”

“I’m a bit tired.”

“Louis,” Harry pouts. He always gets horny and pouty when he’s drunk; Louis finds it adorable. 

“I’m just teasing, honey,” Louis giggles, pushing Harry’s long hair out of his face. “Gonna fuck me good, yeah?”

“Always,” Harry promises, nipping at Louis’ throat. “Smell so good.”

“Better than you,” Louis smiles a little. “I don’t smell like cigarettes all the time.”

“No,” Harry says. “Smell like vanilla. And coconut.”

“New shampoo,” Louis moans a little. “Good?”

“Very.”

“C’mon, clothes off,” Louis says softly, helping unbutton Harry’s shirt. Harry isn’t very good with coordination and fine motor skills when he’s drunk.

“Love you so much, baby,” Harry smiles at Louis, letting Louis pull his shirt off. “So nice to me.”

“Yeah,” Louis scoffs. “well, we’re getting married, so I think I have to be nice to you.”

“’s why I asked you to marry me,” Harry says, falling back onto the bed. Louis pulls of his own shirt, watching Harry struggle to unbutton his jeans. He rolls his eyes fondly and straddles his fiancé. 

“Idiot,” Louis whispers, unbuttoning them for him. “Gonna have to do all the work, then, huh?”

“Maybe,” Harry grins crookedly. “That okay?”

“I guess,” Louis sighs dramatically. “You owe me.”

“Course,” Harry agrees. “Whatever you want.”

“Good, that’s what I like to hear,” Louis says, running his hand up Harry’s torso and tweaking his nipple. “You’ve got the nicest, perkiest little nipples.”

He reaches down and flicks one with his tongue, then sucks it into his mouth. Harry gasps in surprise, his back arching. It gets hard on his tongue, and Louis smirks. 

“Nice and hard, my favorite,” Louis whispers, gripping Harry’s cock in his hand. “Get me the lube, will you?”

Harry reaches over, grabbing their bottle of lube and handing it over to Louis. Louis gives him a thankful wink. He looks Harry in the eyes while he pours lube onto his fingers, not looking away as he presses a digit inside of himself, giving Harry a flirty gasp. Harry groans, and Louis can see his cock blurt precome. 

“You like that?” Louis asks, biting his lip. “Feels nice, just wish I could, mm, reach…m’ fingers aren’t big…like your cock…”

“Wanna fuck you,” Harry says hoarsely. 

“Not open yet, baby,” Louis smirks. “Gotta be real gentle about it…”

“Ung,” Harry mumbles, shifting his head onto the pillow. “Wish I could see.”

“Not yet,” Louis bats his eyelashes. “Soon.”

Louis wiggles another finger in, fitting snug next to his middle. He scissors them, getting a bit anxious himself. He can see the furrow between Harry’s brow, showing that he’s aroused and ready to tear Louis apart. Louis loves to tease, he does, but now he’s just, fuck, he’s getting impatient. He shoves a third finger inside of himself unceremoniously, biting the inside of his cheek and spreading himself out as quickly as he can. Harry strokes himself, just enough to take the edge off, and never takes his eyes off of Louis. 

“All done,” Louis sings, pulling out his fingers and caressing them against Harry’s full lips. Harry opens up and sucks Louis’ fingers into his mouth, twirling his tongue and gazing at Louis through his eyelashes. 

“I wanna fuck you,” Harry says again, once Louis pulls his fingers out. He rolls them over, throwing Louis’ legs open. “Wanna fuck you so hard.”

“Go ahead, then,” Louis says seductively. “’m all yours.”

Harry growls at him playfully, lubing up his cock. Their little Pomeranian, Charlie, wanders into the room, probably having woken up and finding his parents, as usual. He’s not a fan of being alone. He’s just a little puppy, Louis having begged Harry they absolutely needed a dog, that it could be practice for when they have their own baby. And at the mention of the word baby, Harry was on board, but said it had to be something small; their apartment wasn’t big enough. Harry wasn’t one hundred percent comfortable with having a dog yet. He sometimes would forget and get startled when he’d see him in the corner, just watching Harry walk around. Louis thinks it’s pretty funny.

Charlie jumps on the bed the same time Harry sinks into Louis, making him whine. Charlie cuddles against Louis’ chest, and Louis lets out a breathy laugh as Harry splits him open. 

“You coming to watch?” Louis asks, stroking Charlie’s head. 

“Well I can’t do this in front of him!” Harry cries. 

“What?” Louis asks, looking up at Harry. “What are you bloody on about?”

“He’s going to judge my lovemaking skills,” Harry whispers, holding himself over Louis and staring at Charlie. “He’s staring at me, like he knows.”

“I really, really doubt that, love,” Louis says, trying to take this seriously.

“He likes you more than me,” Harry says, unmoving. “He’s possessive of you. I think he’s jealous of me.”

“He should be,” Louis winks. “C’mon, Haz, I’m getting tired, get on with it.”

“He’s still looking at me!” Harry whines.

“Oh, god, I didn’t know I already had a child,” Louis rolls his eyes. He covers Charlie’s eyes with his hand, stroking his soft fur with the other. “Okay, now he can’t see. Let’s go, ‘m gonna lose it.”

“Sorry,” Harry murmurs. “I’m good, promise. Gonna rock your world.”

“I’m waiting for it,” Louis hums, getting comfortable on his back. 

Harry huffs, starting a slow rhythm with his hips. Louis sighs in content, biting his lip. Harry’s quick to pick up speed, finding a nice pace, searching for that little nub buried inside of his fiancé. He’s sure he found it when he hears Louis mewl under him, squirming slightly. Charlie gives a little growl, protecting Louis, as if he’s in any harm. Yeah, this damn dog has a favorite, and it’s certainly not Harry. 

“So fucking tight,” Harry groans, nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck and biting the soft skin. “Gonna make me bust.”

“Come inside me,” Louis gasps. “Just how I like it.”

“Yeah, yeah, shit,” Harry moans. Louis circles his legs around Harry’s torso, digging his heels above Harry’s ass. Harry’s thrusts are a little sloppy, the alcohol still thrumming through his veins pleasantly. Louis knows that once Harry gets off, he’s gonna roll over and sleep right away with his drunk state. They’ve learned that both of them absolutely shit faced doesn’t end well, and someone has to be in their right state to take care of the other. 

Louis also knows Harry doesn’t last long when he’s drunk.

“Oh, shit,” Harry moans, his hips stilling. His eyes close and his mouth opens wide, twitching as he comes inside of Louis. Louis sighs a little because he’s absolutely not ready to have an orgasm yet. Louis squeezes himself around Harry, milking the orgasm out of his fiancé. 

Harry is panting, sweat on his brow, and he gently pulls out. Louis looks at him and then at his fat cock. “You gonna take care of that or are you out for the count?”

“Shit, sorry,” Harry mumbles, feeling drowsy already. “I got it.”

“You better,” Louis says pointedly. Harry’s a shit drunk. Harry sinks down and fits Louis into his mouth and massages his balls through his fingers. “That’s more like it,” Louis sighs, closing his eyes. “Perfect.”

Harry suckles on Louis’ head, pulling moans from Louis, as he should. It doesn’t take him much longer, with the way Harry tightens his cheeks and swirls his tongue. He’s got Louis coming undone within mere minutes, making him gasp and come hard down Harry’s throat. Harry collects it into his mouth, moving back up to Louis and swapping it into his mouth. Louis grins, filthy, and licks it up, swallowing everything Harry gives him. 

“Can I let Charlie look now?” Louis murmurs against Harry’s lip with a grin.

“Yeah,” Harry smirks. “’m gonna go out for a smoke, I’ll let him out.”

“Thanks, babe,” Louis says, kissing Harry again. “Gonna brush my teeth and get some sleep.”

“I’ll be in soon,” Harry says, dropping another kiss. Harry gets up and throws on sweats, afraid one of his neighbors will walk out and see everything he’s got to offer. He picks up Charlie and grabs his pack of cigarettes, his matches and his pen, walking out to the balcony. Louis watches him leave and bites his lip. He sighs and rolls out of bed to go brush his teeth. 

Harry lights up, taking a drag off of his cigarette and sighing heavily. He’s feeling more sober now, but he’s sure he’ll have a hangover in the morning. He watches Charlie wander around the balcony, finding a spot to mark his territory. 

“You like Louis more than me, don’t you?” Harry asks. Charlie just looks at him, then stands by the glass door, waiting for Louis to come into view. Harry rolls his eyes with a fond smile. “Everyone likes him more. I’m sure our kids will, too.”

He holds the fag between his lips as he writes on the match: _kids_. He thinks about a little boy with Louis’ blue eyes, in a soccer kit on a Saturday morning. He thinks about a little girl with Harry’s wild curls, curling into bed with Louis and Harry on a Saturday morning. He thinks about Louis rocking their baby to sleep, and he thinks about how nice it would be. 

He puts out his cigarette and walks back into their room, letting Charlie follow him in. Louis is already curled into bed with his eyes closed, and Harry drops his match into the jar before he crawls in beside him. Louis curls into his chest, mumbling something that sounds like “love you”.

“Night, babe,” Harry murmurs. “Love you.”

Louis mumbles again before dropping off into sleep.   
~  
When Louis goes through the jar in the morning and he finds the kids one, he grins ear to ear. He’s so glad that Harry thinks about it, too, and it’s not one-sided. He climbs out of bed and pads into the kitchen, where Harry is making tea with no shirt, his hair wild, and his face scrunched, obviously dealing with a bit of a hangover. 

“G’morning, sunshine,” Louis smiles, wrapping his arms around Harry’s torso and kissing all over his strong back.

“Mm,” Harry grumbles. 

“Should have stayed in bed if you didn’t feel well, babe,” Louis says, rubbing his sides. “Could have made you tea.”

“I had to get up to pee, anyway,” Harry says. “’m fine, just wanna sit for a while.”

“That’s a good idea,” Louis says. “I found your match from last night.”

“Yeah?” Harry asks, perking up a little.

“You’re going to be a great dad,” Louis says, biting between his shoulder blades gently. 

“You’ll be better than me,” Harry says, turning around in Louis’ arms and leaning against the counter. “Our dog likes you more, our kids definitely will, too.”

“Are you comparing our Pomeranian to our child?” Louis asks, trying not to burst into laughter. 

“Well, I mean, metaphorically,” Harry pouts. “You know what I mean.”

“Hey,” Louis says gently, squeezing Harry’s bare hips. “Kids are not the same as dogs, believe it or not. I think you’ll like our baby a lot more than you like Charlie. And as long as you feed and change and cuddle our baby, they’re gonna love you. All you have to do is love them and care for them and support them. Besides, you have an instinct as a parent. Once you hold that little baby in your arms everything is gonna change, and you’re gonna do everything in your power to make them happy, make them giggle and laugh.”

“When did you get so wise?” Harry asks. “Are you still Louis?”

“Funny,” Louis rolls his eyes. “Watch it, babe.”

“You seem so ready for parenting.”

“It helps having so many younger siblings, but I’ll wait until you’re ready. We don’t have to worry about it for a while, we have a wedding to plan first,” Louis grins. “Have to put a ring on it first.”

“Few more months and I will,” Harry grins stupidly, pecking his lips.  
~  
Harry keeps using matches, keeps writing on them and collecting them. It’s just become a routine for him, and he doesn’t want to break the habit.

Louis notices that Harry’s thoughts have gotten a bit darker. Now, he writes things like breathing, lungs, bad breath, stained teeth, and all things related to the negatives of smoking. Louis never says anything, though, because he knows Harry will talk when he’s ready.

After a bad day, Harry comes home and goes straight to the balcony for a fag. Louis sighs, but doesn’t follow him, knowing he needs his time alone to sort himself out. He knows to give Harry his space, because if he gets in the way, it could get ugly.

Harry comes back quicker than normal, tossing the match at Louis and going into the kitchen. Louis finds one word written on it: death. Ah, so that’s where this is leading. Louis waits until Harry comes back into the living room with a glass of water. He finally comes back onto the couch and Louis cards his hand through Harry’s wind blown hair.

“H? Wanna talk?” Louis asks quietly.

“’m gonna die,” Harry says. “I’m ruining myself. ‘m gonna have yellow teeth that fall out and I’ll get lung cancer and I’m die.”

“Where is this coming from?” Louis asks gently, scratching his scalp and pawing at his abdomen. 

“I don’t want to come home smelling like smoke and hacking up a lung every time I try to pick up one of our kids,” Harry rambles, talking more to himself than Louis. “I don’t want to die when our kids are small, I don’t want you finding a new husband.”

“Hey, baby, relax,” Louis says. “Oh, honey, relax. Take a deep breath. You’re jumping the gun here. You can quit, and I promise I will help you every step of the way. It’s gonna be so hard, but I’ll be here to help you through it. You’re not going to die, baby, not while I’m around.”

“I want to be healthy for you and for our kids,” Harry says.

“I know, baby, I want that, too. You’re strong enough to quit, though, babe, you’re gonna get through it. I’m right here to help you, okay?”

“I don’t want to die,” Harry says softly.

“Harry,” Louis says sadly. “C’mon, sweetheart, don’t talk like that, please. You know I hate that.”

“Sorry,” Harry mutters. 

“C’mere,” Louis sighs, pulling Harry into his arms and stroking his hair. “I’ve got you.”

“I love you so much, Louis,” Harry whispers. 

“I love you more than anything, I always will,” Louis promises, kissing Harry’s forehead. “I got you.”  
~  
After that, Harry quit smoking all together. He threw out all his cigarettes and lighters, but kept the jar of matches, as a reminder. 

“I’m so proud of you,” Louis says, kissing him softly. “It won’t be easy, you’ll still crave it, but I have my ways of distracting you…” he trails his fingers down Harry’s neck and nipping at his jaw.

“That sounds good,” Harry grins, squeezing Louis’ hips. “Shouldn’t be too bad with you by my side, then.”

Louis grins, laying his head over Harry’s heart, listening to it beating steady. As long as that heart is still beating, nothing can be too bad.

**Author's Note:**

> this is short, i just wanted to get something written and posted before i got back to school. i love all kinds of feedback and my tumblr is hilourry :)


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